It’s about time…

For an update that is. Well, as I mentioned earlier we have spoken with an immunologist. (Hooray!!) Some of the tests had to be done on day 3 of my cycle. With my ‘regularity’ I didn’t have a clue as when that would be. Sure enough, it came at a crazy time.

It was a beautiful June Thursday and we were driving out of state for my niece’s baby blessing. About 1/4 of the way there…guess who decided to show up! Our options:
1. Turn around and go home.
2. Continue on, and drive back the next day to be home in time to get my blood work done.
3. Fly home after arriving.

Well #1 was out of the picture because I Really wanted to see my new niece (the one and only) not to mention the rest of my family. We were down to options #2 & 3. We would figure out what to do once we got there. The drive continued. The closest location to get this blood work completed was 6 hours in the opposite direction of home 😳…or back at home another 13 hours. So I did something crazy.

Thursday: We drove all day, got there in the evening and visited family. Then drove another hour up and back to see my niece.

Friday: Busy hanging out with family, then flew back home Friday night. (Thanks mom, I love you!) My in laws picked me up late late that night, and took me to their house. (Bless their hearts!)

Saturday: Needed to fast for some of the tests. Had to drive about 25-30 minutes to get 7 vials of blood sucked outta me. Of course I was starvin marvin, so we stopped at the glorious In N Out! Then over an hour to the airport. Arrived back outta state to the family gathering in the afternoon, got all dressed up for my parents Christmas family pics, and then it was night time!

Crazy, I know!!

It gets better.

One day after we got home from visiting my niece and family we left for another vacation. I did need to get additional testing done, however we were still waiting for the blood shipping container to arrive. So this round would have to wait till we made it back home.

We had a blast in Washington. We shot off some HUGE, HUGE fireworks, went boating, wake boarding, and the real excitement came from my very first backpacking trip. Ever. (Keep that tidbit in mind.) Long story short…two day trip hiking up Mt. St. Adams (over 13,000 feet!) made it to the summit (boo-yah!), and looked DOWN on Mt. St. Helens (crazy, crazy). It was all going great until we started glaciating back down about 50-100 feet too early. Which inadvertently led us to going down the WRONG side of the mountain.
Yah. Let’s just say that sliding uncontrollably on your butt/back/belly for 2,700 feet (yes that’s the equivalent to falling 270 stories!), then having to hike an additional 3 snowy/icy/loose rock ridges in 4.5 hours with little to no water (keep in mind we just climbed over 13,000 feet- and I live at sea level) had my life flashing numerous times before my eyes. Not to mention the complete and utter exhaustion. I’d go into detail but this is a fertility blog, not an ‘I thought I was going to die, but survived’ blog. Anyways…we survived!

And let me tell you….you want to have a closer bond with your significant other…live on the  edge and get completely lost on a mountain and work together to get to safety!

So we flew back home after this adventure and the next day I went in to get my blood drawn…15 vials! (And the hubby like 3-4). Well, I probably should’ve waited a little longer for my body to recuperate from our eventful vacay…

I normally can not look when my blood is drawn. It just gives me the heebie jeebies. Well I was sitting there for so dang long, I looked down, made conversation with the nurse, and all was good. Until vial 11 when my blood flow started slowing down.

I started to feel clammy and light headed. I was sitting in the chair and the nurse told me to put my head down. I still just didn’t feel good. I remember thinking of calling out to my husband who was sitting in front of me, but then thinking there’s nothing he could do. And that was it.

I blacked out.

My husband caught me so I didn’t fall out of the chair, and the nurse kept taking blood so she wouldn’t have to poke me in the other arm. Help was called, and they needed to use the ammonia salt to wake me up. I remembered opening my eyes, was able to make out my husband’s blurry face, and two other blurry women. Then all went black, again. They used that ammonia salt stuff another time, then I was awake…and my arm was already bandaged and the remaining vials were full.
I couldn’t stand up for awhile. A nurse gave me her granola bar she had in her desk, and they gave me crackers and juice to nibble on. I was able to force down a smidgen of food. Once I had enough energy to get lifted up and stand with assistance, they had me lay down for about an hour.

Which ended up working out since one of the vials needed to sit for 15 minutes, then get centrifuged for 45 min at a certain rpm, and serum removed.

On the way home we dropped off the ever so valuable blood and shipped it off in its special container!  Needless to say I pretty much slept and relaxed the next two days…

And that’s my blood work story! More updates next!

❤ I hope all is going well with you, and you are one step closer to your dreams! ❤

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IVF Results (4 rounds): Pregnancy: 4 Miscarriage: 4 Ugh

It is without saying that I wish the pregnancy score will finally beat out the miscarriage one.  I am at that point where the majority of other bloggers I follow either have their little bundle of joy, or are finally experiencing continued pregnancy.  And I am happy for them.  I just wish I was experiencing it with them.  My younger sister who had been trying for 14 months had her baby girl a week before my last miscarriage.  I am happy she didn’t have to go through everything, shots, heartache, etc. that I did.  But so sad when I think about our situation.  There will always be ups and downs, and I need to think positive so I don’t fall into a downward spiral of self pitty and despair.  We will have our little miracles someday.  I have to keep believing.

 

Well I haven’t documented the final bouts of this last miscarriage.  For our fourth round of IVF, I lasted 5 weeks 2 days (8:30-9pm), and then 6 weeks 5 days (6pm) until I had the miscarriages.

 

I have a history of having incomplete miscarriages.  My body won’t keep our little babies, however it wants to still hold onto the pregnancy tissue.  I just wish it would make up its mind…for the better option of course. 

 

My final miscarriage for this pregnancy occurred on the 12th.  I went in to see my dr. on the 18th to see if I had a completed miscarriage.  With my luck, of course I didn’t.  Another incomplete miscarriage.  He had me start miso, I opted for the weekend so I wouldn’t have to experience cramping and bleeding while trying to work.  So Friday the 22nd I took my first round of pills.  My instructions were to vaginally insert 4 miso pills.  If within 24 hours later there wasn’t significant bleeding, to then do another 4.

 

I did the first round.  Hardly anything came out.  I did the second round, and some more came out.  But comparing that to how much tissue and blood I saw was still inside of my uterus from my ultrasound on the 18th, I knew not all of it was out.  A tiny bit came out here and there up till our next appointment.
Actually, it’s PRETTY sad that I have enough experience with miscarriages to tell if it is complete or not. ;(

 

So we went in for another ultrasound on the 26th.  Our regular dr. was on vacation, so we saw the other RE.  Sure enough, I still had more.  We could try another round of miso or go straight into a d&c.  It is always recommended to avoid surgery whenever possible, so I opted to do another round of miso.  Except this time I didn’t take the ibuprofen.  She said that sometimes it prevented everything from coming out.  I was up for trying something different since I wanted different results.  So I started it the miso the very next day.  Four pills/suppositories.  I had a feeling I wouldn’t have too much cramping or bleeding.  And my instincts were correct.  I did the other 4 pills the following day, Thursday the 28th.  I knew it wasn’t enough.  I don’t know how I knew, I just did.

 

We went in on Tuesday May 3rd for another ultrasound.  I needed a d&c.  Our options were to have it the next day, Thursday, or the following Tuesday.  Well I was just numb and so over it at this point.  I couldn’t do it that week-I was one of the ones in charge of a Huge track meet we had that Wednesday and Friday.  Obviously if I had to I could take it off, but I was just so upset and honestly, angry that I had to have another d&c I didn’t care to make it a priority.  So I was going to have it the following Tuesday.  However the nurse didn’t get my message and someone else booked the time slot I was offered.  They offered to do it Friday, but I couldn’t do it then because I needed time to recuperate afterwards and another teacher and I were in charge of Prom that Saturday.  I was so emotional at this point.  I don’t know what the office did, but they were able to get me in on Wednesday the 11th.  I would have plenty of time to recuperate before I had to put on prom.

 

Dilation & Curretage

I didn’t sign the paperwork for the d&c when I was at my dr visit, and you can’t sign it while on norco, so we had to make a special trip on the Saturday before my surgery to sign the paperwork.

Wednesday May 11th 9am.  This was an in-office procedure/surgery.  I know I said I wasn’t going to do this again, but I don’t know.  I just did it.

My instructions were the same as before.  I knew the protocol and didn’t need to review them with the nurse, even though I still did.  My appointment was at 9am.  I skipped the motrin the night before, and had to take

5 am (4 hrs prior to procedure): 2 (200mcg) misoprostol supporitories. 

8 am (1 hr prior to procedure): 1 (600 mg) motrin, 1-2 (I only took 1 this time) Norco, 1 Ativan, and 1 (100mg) Doxycycline

9 am prep: 1 sort of tordol in the booty, and then 3 shots of nerve blockers in the cervix

Lovely.

So here’s the thing.  You’re supposed to fast for this procedure.  But since the meds aren’t good to take on an empty stomach, I ate just a little bit with taking them.

The procedure went fine.  There wasn’t really anything to send off besides lining since the gestational sacs already came out.

But this is the first time I have had this procedure and I DIDN’T THROW UP!! It’s the little things.

 

Today June 5th 2016

Finally I am up to date.  It’s been 3 weeks and 5 days since my d&c.  I have had some tinting and like a week ago for 2 days had a little string of tissue come out, but no period.

We have heard back from the immunologist, YAY! And have a whole list of things to test and do, and then we will see what is going or, or if other tests are needed after that.  We haven’t scheduled any of the tests yet, nor do we know how much all of this will cost.  Time will tell.  Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers that we will be able to figure out what is going on.  We eagerly await the day we can hold our babies in our arms.  We still have hope.  I have to hold onto hope. image

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Two for One: 2 miscarriages 1 pregnancy

Monday April 11th

We went in for our first ultrasound.  We were hoping that I just had some bleeding and that both babies were ok.  Or at the very absolute least we still had one.  We saw the yolk sac, and the gestational sac.  However I could tell by the look in our RE’s eyes that something wasn’t right.  Not again.  My heart already hurts so much.  We could clearly see the gestational sac, but he kept on moving the transvag ultrasound around looking what felt like every angle imaginable.  Again, the gestational sac was clearly there, however bleeding and tissue somehow got into it.  There was so much “debris” he couldn’t tell if our little baby was still alive inside or not.  My heart just dropped out of my body.  I was numb for the first little while.  Why does this keep happening to us?  When will we finally get our little miracles?

 

He wants me to stay on all of my meds and come into the office in a week to see if there are any updates.  He said, “this doesn’t look good guys”…although there was very very little hope our little one would make it, he couldn’t confirm it hadn’t.  And because there was no confirmation of end of life, I still needed to continue all of my medications, shots, pills, etc.

So I did.  I will do anything to bring our little ones into this world.

 

Tuesday April 12th

I started bleeding.

I filled half a lightdays panty liner, changed it, then completely filled another one, went through my underwear and onto my pants.  Thank goodness I was wearing super dark gray pants.  Also, thankfully I happened to have a regular pad in my purse.  I thought there was no way that I was going to be able to not have a miscarriage for another week.  There was just too much blood.  It looked just like the one April 2nd.  Bright red blood.  Not a drop of white liner remained.  I called my dr’s office and told the nurse what was going on.  I was supposed to do my suppository in an hour…do I still do it or not?  She thought our RE had left for the day, but he walked by and she told him what was going on.  He said to stop the meds.  I was going to have another miscarriage.  There was too much bleeding for the pregnancy to stay.

By 6pm that night, a pretty good sized pad was completely soaked with blood.  Completely.  And keep in mind I was still not taking my heparin or baby aspirin.  I could feel that something was going to come out, so I promptly sat on the toilet waiting for the big clots while blood came out.  And they came.  There is no controlling it, all of a sudden…bloop.  This time I noticed something completely different.  Along with the regular huge blood clots, there was a whitish-gray structure, with little tiny blood vessels throughout it.  It was about half the size of my thumb (1 ¼ inches in length, ¾” wide, but twice as thick.)  Of course I took a pic and sent it to my mom asking her what it was.  I did my research as well.  It was the gestational sac.  This is the first time it has ever come out, yet alone coming out whole.  It was then I realized that the little white thing that came out with my miscarriage a week prior was the gestational sac of our first baby.  So sad.  After the gestational sac and a couple huge blood clots came out, the bleeding significantly lessened.

Two for one.  Two separate miscarriages within one pregnancy.

 

Tuesday April 19, 2016

I have had some bleeding every day.  Since the actual majority of the miscarriage date on last Tuesday, Saturday was the worst.  The hubby and I went out to run some errands.  We went to Target, and as soon as I walked in the door I felt a large something come out.  I pretty much ran to the restroom and sure enough, a large clot about 2” x1” came out.

I am in the process of collecting and sending all of my medical records to a lady that specializes in immunology.  Of course our insurance doesn’t cover any of it.  It’s $800 for her to look at and go through our medical records, have a 2-3 hour consultation, and provide a plan.  This plan will include a ton of additional testing to do (such as NK cells, and other things to test for autoimmune disorders).  I am anxious to get this ball rolling.  Obviously something is going on.  I’m scared my body is attacking our babies, thinking that it’s an intruder.  Once we do this testing, I hope there is something I can take when we do another round so the pregnancy stays.  Of course, this all takes time.  The immunologist takes a few weeks to go through all of the medical records, does research, and to come up with our plan.  And of course, the tests are additional $$$ as well. 

As of right now, I feel like this is our last shot.  If everything comes back normal…I have no idea where we would go from there.  In the meantime, we are just hoping and praying that we will be able to find what is causing me to have continual miscarriages. 

Short-lived Pregnancy

Exactly 1 year, 2 weeks, and 1 day after my very first d&c, I had my fourth IVF pregnancy test. 
My boobs were a little sore, but other than that I felt the same as always.  Our transfer date was Wednesday March 16th, and we went in to test nine days later at 9 am on Friday March 25th.  And it came back POSITIVE!!!  We were elated.  Of course I asked what my HCG level was…

286…I was SO happy it was positive.  I honestly felt like it would be positive, I was just concerned about having another miscarriage.  So I was slightly concerned since IVF #1 & 3 levels were 381, 380 respectively and this one was in the 200’s.  But both attached and that was all that mattered.  Prayers ensued that our numbers would continue to rise for our next beta. 

Since two days later fell on a Sunday, we went in 8:30 am on Monday the 28th.  And a Good Friday it was!  HCG is supposed to double every two days.  If our numbers doubled, it would need to be 572.  However since this draw was three days later, it should be around 858ish.  That was our goal.  To at least be 858.  They called that evening and our number was…

1087

Yes…that is right.  We hit quadruple digits…for the first time EVER!!! 4 weeks and 4 days.  We have NEVER EVER had numbers this high before.  I guess the chomp chomp of the velociraptor teeth did the trick!  Now for the dreaded two week wait until we get to see our babies!!!!

I was taking it easy, no exercise (which was so hard since I love to run), lifting restricted to 10lbs, husband was doing all of the chores around the house.  Following the rules to the T. 

 

5 days later…now 5 weeks 2 days…April 2nd, 2016.

I have been taking things WAY easy.  Since the transfer, I have completely stopped exercising-no running, push-ups, or any type of abs whatsoever.  Saturday evening I did a little more work than normal-I planted flower bulbs for about 2 hours, with some breaks here and there of course..  It wasn’t that hard, and I’m sure I did too much-but I thought everything should’ve still been fine.  7pm rolled around and it was time for my endometrin and 2 estradiol suppositories.  Everything was completely normal. 

And it was, until about 9pm.  So we were just about to do my PIO shot, but I felt that a little something came out-it felt like how the endometrin comes out- since it doesn’t all get absorbed, lets just say a panty liner must be worn to ‘catch’ the liquidy-ish paste that comes out. (I know fun, right?)

  I simply grabbed some toilet paper to wipe it away…there was blood and tissue on the paper.  I am instantly mortified.  I sat on the toilet and my light days panty liner was COMPLETELY soaked in Bright Red Red Blood.  That’s when I started freaking out, and tears just IMMEDIATELY streamed down my face as I called in my husband.  I’m sitting there on the toilet as more blood comes out.  I was just crying, crying, crying, saying I didn’t want to have another miscarriage.  

            I have never bled like this when pregnant, especially after having such high numbers- we were completely thrown for a loop.  With that initial tissue on the toilet paper, I now know that there was a teeny-tiny gestational sac.  That tissue is just different than the rest.    

            I then immediately start texting my doctor.  I was so scared I caused this.  He texted back instantly.  He said that it wasn’t anything that I did, and to immediately stop my heparin and low dose aspirin. 

Since I already had both my shots and the aspirin that day, I was just not going to do it in the morning.  I pretty much just laid down the rest of the weekend.  From there on out I had brown tinting, with a little bit of embryonic tissue (unfortunately I can tell the difference of that and lining if it’s in water :/ ).  But nothing big again.  So the brown was literally about every other day, with a few drops of light red in the middle of the week. 

IVF FET #4 & the SECRET to PIO IM injections

Well, I’ve been taking estradiol this entire time to boost up my uterus, and I started taking the provera to start my period…I got it Friday, February 26th!  I was definitely not expecting to get it that soon since I usually have to finish taking the entire dose of provera, AND THEN wait up to 10 days till it comes. Our transfer date…March 16th…so I will be on bedrest for the Hubby’s birthday…oh well it is for a good cause 🙂

STIM calendar:

FET #4 STIM FET #4

PIO – we are going with progesterone in sesame oil instead of ethyl oleate…we have done both.  I believe the ethyl oleate might get absorbed faster since it is not oil base, but the pharmacist has to make it on site so it is about $30 more per bottle.  We had an extra bottle from the last round, so we figured we would keep it the same.  Maybe next time we will just do the ethyl oleate.

 

PIO….ook so my mom is a RN and she showed us how they give the IM injections at her hospital…totally different than how our RE office nurses told us how to do it.  We’ve been doing the injections my mom’s way…and it is WAY WAY (and I mean like a MILLION times) better!!!!!!!  So my office told me to stand up, and point my toe outwards.  Even though I am not putting weight on it, my muscle is still activated since I am standing.  Also, I would get huge lumps within a week of starting injections, it would often bleed at injection sites, and sometimes a couple drops of the medicine would also come out!

 

So my mom had me lay down on my side, with the side face up that will be getting the injection.  My toes are pointed slightly inwards, and my entire leg & muscle COMPLETELY relaxed.  OH MY GOSH. I was like why didn’t you tell me this earlier???!!!!?!?!  Like with our first round?! Well, she thought it had to be done a certain way-that it was just their protocol.  And then she finally couldn’t stand how many lumps and the pain I was in because of the IM injections.  But seriously…this is the way to go.  I finally got one lump WEEKS after I normally do.  But I think I only got it because I was being stupid nervous and my leg tensed up.  And it was only the one (one on each side), and I didn’t get any more after that.  Oh-I also ice for a few minutes before hand, and my darling hubby will rub a warm rice pack on it for about 5 minutes afterwards. 

 

Let the angels sing…I have finally found out the secret to minimize the pain of the dreaded IM injections. 


In summary:

            Ice for about 5 minutes or so if icing over clothes, maybe 1 minute if putting it directly on skin
            Lay on your side (obviously not on the injected side)
            Have your legs COMPLETELY relaxed, your foot/toes will naturally point inwards. Breathe, Relax.
            Alcohol swab, Inject.
            Put a small piece of toilet paper (or gauze) over injection site in case there is bleeding.
            Rub a hot pack in a circular motion on injection site for about 5 minutes.  Be careful to not burn your skin.

So we started the PIO on March 11th, 5 days before our transfer.

I HAVE to put alarms in my phone for all my meds otherwise I would go crazy trying to remember.  With the alarms for the shots, I also put a 10 min warning alarm in case I am out and about and need to start heading to the bathroom or whatnot.  Starting Friday 3/11 this was my daily infertility regiment…

7 am

          1 pill/1 suppository: Estrace/Estradiol 1 orally & 1 as a suppository

          1 Shot: Heparin 25 u

          1 suppository: (starting Thurs 3/17 Endometrin suppository)

With breakfast:

            2 pills: Prednisone (20 mg) (3/17 go down to 1 pill)

            1 pill: Folic Acid

            1 pill: Low dose Aspirin (81 mg)

            1 pill: Azithromycin (250 mg) – 2 pills the first day then 1 pill for the following 4 days, then stop

            1 pill: Metformin (500mg)

With Lunch:

            1 pill: Metformin (500 mg)

Every TUESDAY and FRIDAY:

            1 patch: Vivelle Dot (estradiol)

3 pm:

            1 suppository: (starting Thurs 3/17 Endometrin suppository)

With Dinner:

            1 pill: Metformin (500 mg)

7 pm

          1 pill/1 suppository: Estrace/Estradiol 1 orally & 1 as a suppository

          1 Shot: Heparin 25 u

          1 suppository: (starting Thurs 3/17 Endometrin suppository)

9 pm:

            1 shot: Progesterone in oil (sesame oil) 1 cc

11pm:

            1 suppository: (starting Thurs 3/17 Endometrin suppository)

Before bed:

            1 pill: Prenatal Vitamin (I take this at night because of the fish oil-If I take this in the morning I am burping nasty fish flavor literally ALL day long)

            2 pills: Calcium citrate

            1 pill: Vitamin D

 

With a pregnancy test on Friday March 25th!!!!

 

Hysteroscopy after IVF #3

Well, the prep for the hysteroscopy was the exact same as the dilation and curettage.  Motrin starting the night before, pain pills, adavan, norco, motrin before the procedure.  A shot of tordol in the booty, and 3 shots in the cervix.  Pretty much if we needed to do a dilation and curettage while in there, I was all ready to go.  So the camera went in, and we expected to see well, nothing…notice the word EXPECTED.  There were all kinds of things in there!

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Leap Day & waiting…

Leap Day!

 

Well I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to write a post on Leap Day! I just wish I didn’t have to work today, and could enjoy the extra day that comes once every 4 years. Oh well, it was a busy, and eventful day!

 

So I’ve been in a little blogging hiatus. After our miscarriage of our 3rd round of IVF (we’ve lost 5 babies in less than 1 year) I decided I needed a little break from everything. So our dilation and curettage was on Nov 24th…yep 2 days before thanksgiving. We went in for a follow-up with our Dr. on Dec 18th, and everything looked good. During this time I took a break from everything…I didn’t even take my regular multivitamin, calcium, and vitamin D. I wanted to be completely pill and shot free for a little bit.

 

Dec. 28th I started taking provera to jump-start my period…dear aunt flow as some would reference. She showed up after day 7…I didn’t even need to take all 10 days! Anyways, my RE had me start BC on day 3 of my cycle (Jan 6th) We had a hysteroscopy scheduled for Feb 2nd, so I needed to be at a certain point in the cycle so it didn’t look like “a bloody car wash”…literally. Well this cycle was VERY light. I figured it would be since I had the previous procedure. EXCEPT it lingered for 2 ½ WEEKS!!! What the heck?!? I never needed more than a lightdays pad, and often just tinted, but still…

 

More to come on our hysteroscopy…

Micro Analysis


Monday 12:30pm: 8 weeks. Final non-viability check before dilation and curettage. Pregnancy #3: non-viable.

Debating on in office procedure or in the OR. The ONLY reason I chose the in office one is because my dr was more likely to get my pregnancy tissue out in one piece which would be easier, more likely to get results from our micro analysis. We did all the signatures in the office before we left.

Monday night I was SUPER SUPER nervous about the procedure. I was Sao scared of the pain. I was imagining it being like the endometrial scratch, that along with the psychology of the matter I didn’t know if I could handle it. I just have to say my hubby is awesome. He was extremely comforting and supportive. The next day I was much more calm. And even better once all my drugs kicked in.

This is the first time my RE is using a company for a micro analysis of the fetal tissue. As of right now this is our best bet to figure out why I keep having miscarriages. The company sent a kit that we need to mail back to them. It’ll cost us about $100-200.

Tuesday:
4hrs before procedure: insert 2 miso to start to induce miscarriage
1 hr before procedure take: 2 norco, 1 600mg ibuprofen, 1 doxycycline, 2 ativan (relaxation)
Arrived at 9:45am for 11am procedure. Check in, normal blood pressure for me 90/60, temp, etc. Prep: 2mL shot in the butt (toradol-like a liquid ibuprofen to help with uterus cramping). We waited in a regular exam room for a bit. They moved us into the procedure room, set everything up. The one good thing is that my hubby was able to be right by my side and hold my hand the entire time. 💗

I felt like there were a million people in my room. My RE, another OB (just in the beginning to make sure he out the kit thing together correctly), a RN, a resident, and at the end my RE’s nurse came in to draw my blood. The basic procedure starts off somewhat like a FET, cleaning everything, iodine, etc. Except instead of inserting my little precious embies my dr gave me a couples of shots in my cervix. It was two different meds. The first shot was the one I felt the most-and it still hurt but not as much as I thought it was going to. It hurt less than getting a shot in the gums at the dentist. I mean, I’m sure all the drugs I was on helped too. The procedure was Very uncomfortable, but I wasn’t in too too much pain. I was squeezing my hubby’s hand- much harder at some points than others. A super large syringe type thing was used. After the procedure my RE’s nurse came down from the fertility office to draw some blood. In the meantime my dr was separating the tissue from the blood and uterus lining. My husband commented on the amount of blood and the resident said something stupid…”oh you think that’s a lot of blood?! Have you ever seen a baby being born? Now that’s a lot of blood.” What an idiot…did she forget WHY we were there. I wish I could say it was my tough skin but it was prob the drugs, again to allow me to not take offense at her Idiotic comment. Anyway, the company needs only the tissue and a vial of my blood for the micro analysis. Gathering up my strength, combined with my ever present curiosity, I asked my dr to see the tissue. Suspended in some type of fluid, it was a few inches long, light pinkish white and kinda feathery looking. I hope and pray this will give us some insight. After leaving the hospital we dropped the package off at Fed Ex. I’m not sure if we’ll get the results in 1 week or 4-5, I suppose time will tell. From research this tests all 46 chromosomes as opposed to PGS that I believe tests less than half the chromosomes.

I just hope that there’s not something wrong with all my eggs causing all my embryos to not make it.

That’s one of my biggest fears.

I’m trying not to think about it until we actually get the results. I don’t want to stress or worry unnecessarily. As opposed to needing to haha.

I’ve done some research and the only thing that I can come up with why I’m having miscarriages is due to something autoimmune. But there’s not really a test…i think.
I’ve read about NK (natural killer) cells, but I’m not sure my ins covers testing for it. Anecdotally continuing to take steroids after the beta helps with this, but there’s no official scientific research. I briefly asked my dr if he thought taking steroids after my beta would help, and he said he didn’t think it would make a difference. Sigh. I still don’t know what to do. I trust my dr., but trying to continue to take those steroids was kinda my last hope. I guess we just have to wait and hope we get results of something we can actually fix or treat.

 

Anyone have any discussions insight about auto immune diseases and IVF/miscarriages??? If you have any help, it would be greatly appreciated!!
Thank you!

Viability

Wednesday November 18. 7 weeks 2 days. We were hoping to see the baby grow…we saw the perfectly round yolk sac but the baby wasn’t to be found.

 

What?! I just saw him/her last week. I mean measuring 3 days behind, but there.

 

Our dr is so confused because this doesn’t make any sense. The embryos implanted, my betas were GREAT, we were all definitely expecting positive results this round. Especially since I did the endometrial scratch, was taking metformin, heparin, and upped my suppositories. But apparently something happens between weeks 4-6 of my pregnancies. What you ask? That is the golden question that no one can answer.

 

Has anyone ever heard of similar situations? Were they able to still have a full term pregnancy at some point?

 

Unfortunately our dr doesn’t have any answers for us, and he is so sad he doesn’t. He said there could be the possibly be our implantation time is off…some people’s uterus aren’t ready until a couple days after the “normal implantation time”. But some aren’t ever ready.

 

There needs to be something different before we do another round. I mean, yes we have 16 embryos left, but we don’t want to waste them if my body is just going to keep on having miscarriages. But who knows, my uterus may never be ready. 😦

 

He asked us if we have thought about surrogacy. Holy crap, I may never be able to carry our babies. Surrogacy through a company definitely isn’t an option since they charge what…100K. There’s no way we would EVER be able to afford that. So my only option is family or friends. An angel who would be willing to carry our babies for us. Please Heavenly Father, let that angel be out there, please.

I was so sad and devastated at the thought that I may never be able to carry our babies…I took a home pregnancy test just so I can see that Big Fat Positive one last time. Isn’t that sad? Sigh…

Well, obviously our RE said he doesn’t think the pregnancy is viable and we could wait a week and see what happens, or he could refer us down to radiology where they would use their “even more sensitive ultrasound machine” to give us a more definite answer. We took that option. It was going to be a 1-2 hr wait, but thankfully they saw us in 15-20 min. Interesting side note – it was the same tech who did my scans when I was hospitalized for OHSS a year ago.

Anyways, he said the yolk sac looked great, nice and round with thick walls. But he couldn’t find a heartbeat. He said he would pray for us and there still may be hope since the yolk sac looked good. The radiologist said the yolk sac measured to be 6 weeks, and if I got knocked up normally then no big deal. Except with IVF the EXACT dates and times are known. I mean with ICSI we know exactly when each individual sperm was injected into the eggs. Well the radiologist agreed with my doctor for this being a non-viable pregnancy.

 

Next step. The actual miscarriage. Natural, pills, or surgery. Those are my options. Gosh, this stuff is hard. My first miscarriage I still ended up needing a D&C after TWO rounds of the pills still didn’t work. However, my dr. said he knows this dr in LA who uses a company who can micro-analyze the tissue and hopefully we can get some answers. But he wasn’t sure if I was far enough along to get results.

 

He gave them a call and they said that if a yolk is >1cm then 90% of the time they get some answers. Of course this will cost a couple hundred instead of the $5 copay for my procedure in the hospital. Well my yolk (I sound like a chicken) is 1.7 cm. So I am a candidate. My dr. did let me know that this will be the first time he has done this, used the company for micro-analysis. But as of right now, this is the only thing that he can think of that can possible give us some answers. So of course, we are all in.

 

We go in for our FINAL viability ultrasound on Monday, 8 weeks exactly. I’m not going into any procedure until I know 100% this isn’t working. (Since the yolk sac looked so good I have some small, minute albeit, hope that our baby is just developing slower than he/she is supposed to-even though I know deep down this one isn’t going to work.) My decision has to be made by Monday.

 

Oh and another side note: pregnancy symptoms…my boobs JUST got sore…I mean like yesterday (Friday!) Is it because I’m taking the progesterone? Nothing makes sense.

 

I still need to keep up the progesterone to keep everything inside. My dr gave me the option to do the PIO (progesterone in oil) shot or vaginal suppositories. The suppositories are 2-3 times more expensive, and very messy since not everything gets absorbed. But #1. I HATE shots (You’d think I’d be used to them by having..i don’t know 50 million, but nope. And #2. These lumps in my butt are really hurting and I don’t like them. Plus I’m always scared my husband might get a vein…which REALLY REALLY hurts. I mean, I seriously have mild anxiety and have to calm my heart down before each shot. Suppositories I go.

 

My RE can do the procedure in the office THIS TUESDAY. However I will be AWAKE. Yes, awake. They’ll give me pain meds and shots in my who-ha to block the pain receptors. But I’ll be Awake. They said that even though I’ll be on the meds and the shots, I’ll still experience cramping. If it’s anything like my endometrial scratch…no thank you. Just the thought scares me. My other much more welcomed option is to have it done in the OR where they give me anesthesia. This is how I did it the first time. Please knock me out. However, the next opening is DEC 4th. 2 weeks from now. Not only would I have the knowledge of my non-viable pregnancy inside me for an extra two weeks-and all the psychology that goes with it, but it’ll also be an extra $200-250 to keep up on the suppositories. (The whole point being nothing comes out until the surgery so it can all be analyzed).

 

I don’t know what to do.

On a positive note, at least I have the week off for thanksgiving break.

The end of the 2WW..plus 1: FET #3

The 2WW was FINALLY over! We went into our RE clinic thinking it was going to be our last time there for a couple years. This was it, I was pregnant, again, but this time we were SURE it was going to stick. I mean 3rd time’s supposed to be the charm, right?! It felt different, we felt peace, it was finally our time. My HCG continued to double, we did 4 things different this round than the previous two rounds. FOUR! We were hoping my progesterone levels would be high enough I could stop the awful IM progesterone injections and just stick to the suppositories. Our Dr. came right in and we immediately got started.

 

Unfortunately we could tell the second our Dr. got our baby in focus that something was wrong. She was silent, her eyes widened, mouth opened a little bit. For starters, we had lost one of the twins. And the other one looked small, I mean I know he/she is small but…too small. Sure enough, our little baby was measuring 3 days behind, 5 weeks 6 days- I was 6 weeks 2 days…. But the worst part was she couldn’t find a heartbeat. And just like that…our hopes and dreams went out the window. She looked for a LONG LONG time, in every angle and position possible. It definitely wasn’t comfortable with that wand up my who-ha but I didn’t care…I desperately wanted to see that heartbeat.

It looks like the 3rd time won’t be the charm…

My pulse was there loud and clear. You could actually see my artery pulsating, pulsating my uterus, the baby, everything. She said she is very concerned, but there’s a small chance we just can’t see the heartbeat since the baby is measuring early. She’d talk to our regular RE and they might want to see us earlier than our next apt (1 week). I asked if this one didn’t work, what was our next step. She and our other RE would both sit down and review ALL of my medical history to see what’s next.

 

She said we could take as long as we wanted in the room before we left. We balled like babies. Babies…and we cried some more. A lady who works in the office knocked and came in to console us (we have a pretty good relationship with her) and told us how shocked everyone was and that she was so sorry. She offered us if we wanted we could walk out the back door. Since our tear-filled eyes were still puffy, I ashamedly took that option and we went out the back. I didn’t want to see anyone.

 

We went home, crawled in bed and cried ourselves to sleep (it was 10 am). We woke up a good 1-2 hours later to find I missed a call from my regular RE. He left a message and said he’d be busy for the next couple hours but I called his cell back in hopes I could catch him. No such luck. But he called me shortly thereafter. He said although it still doesn’t look good, he’s not giving up hope and was wondering if I would be able to hold on for another week for my apt at Kaiser. (They like to have the ultrasounds 1 week apart). I said ya, and he told me to continue everything as normal (11 pills, 3 shots, 3 suppositories each day). So I am. We go in tomorrow, Wednesday (11/18), to find out for sure. If I’m being honest, I don’t have much hope. I so want this little one to hang on and this to be our miracle baby. This is our third FET cycle, and I’m so sad it’s looking like it’s going to end up like our first two. We are doing everything we possibly can, but it’s still not working. Hope… How to hold onto hope?!

 

I mean I have some..I’m keeping to my regular routine…(I have like a-million alarms on my phone otherwise I’d be hosed)

 

(6am alarm-wake up, wash face, put on mascara)

alarm 6:30 am Endometrin Suppository #1 (lay back in bed for 10 min –alarm set of course)

(6:50 alarm-get ready for the shot!)

Eat a couple bites of breakfast, take:
Estradiol #1 (estrogen)
Folic acid
Low dose aspirin
Finish breakfast, take metformin #1

alarm 7:00am 25 units of Heparin shot #1 (subcutaneous injection in the abdomen)

 

Lunch: anywhere between 11-1 – depending on when I’m hungry, take metformin #2

 

Alarm 2:30 Endometrin Suppository #2

 

Alarm 6:30 – eat some dinner if I haven’t already…metformin #3

 

Alarm 6:50-get ready for shot

alarm 7pm Heparin shot #2 and take Estradiol #2

Take Vitamin D, Pre-natal, & Calcium Citrate x2

 

Alarm 8:47 get ready for Progesterone shot

alarm 9pm Intramuscular Progesterone shot, 1 mL or 1cc

 

alarm 10:30pm Endometrin Suppository #3

 

Repeat.

 

So ya, that’s been my schedule 11 pills, 3 suppositories, 3 shots. (except when I had a couple more pills to also take- the Zpac just after the transfer & prednisone x2) Once my beta came back awesome I was allowed to stop the prednisone.

 

How to hold onto the hope? Anyone else with PCOS and Recurring Pregnancy Loss? Or just RPL? How do you cope?

 

❤ I appreciate your comments, thoughts, and prayers! Thank you! ❤