I feel as though these posts are getting further and further apart the more discouraged I am. Let me fill you in on what’s been going on.
The move went really well. We had a lot of family and friends who volunteered to come help. I took it easy as I was preparing for round two. We moved all of our stuff in on the eighth, and had FET #2 on the 10th. Bedrest, and taking it super easy. I didn’t do any lifting or work in the yard, just relaxed. Nine days came and went but we had to wait until day 10 since Day nine was a Sunday. We went in Monday morning got my blood work and then a quick Starbucks run (my fav is their strawberries and cream with chocolate mixed in-no coffee) and home. Dustin had another day of clinic duty-last time we did a pregnancy test for FET number one he also happened to work that day. (he’s a registered dietitian and 2-3xs a month does counseling for a gastrointestinal doctors patients). Anyways, we decided to do a pee stick test this time. I had a feeling it was going to be positive, and I wanted him to be super happy and excited on his way to work.
I Peed on the stick, and it was negative. I was completely dumbfounded.
Well, you know how sometimes you have to wait three minutes to see the results? Well our first-round I did not have to wait three minutes. This time, a few minutes past and BAM. That second line showed up.
We were totally excited.
Later that afternoon my doctor called me. It didn’t even register to me that it wouldn’t be good news since it was my doctor calling and not the clinic. I’m such a dummy. Well, turns out yes I was pregnant, and 10dp5dt they want your HCG to be above 100. Mine was 31. 31. I thought they missed a digit, last ground my hCG on the exact same day was 381.
I just realized, I should probably stop comparing this to our first one. Apparently they’re so different, except unfortunately with the same final outcome.
My doctor told me (not verbatim, but you get the point) that although it was still possible to have a viable pregnancy with such low numbers, the possibility of that occurring was extremely low. He said to keep doing our shots, and the daily regimens just in case.
But with the numbers being so so low, we were heartbroken, again. I was so over it. I was tired of the shots, tired of the knots in my butt, tired of the pills, tired of the blood work, but most of all just drug down, beaten, hopeless. A day later I missed a shot. I thought oh well, not like it matters anyways-it’s just prolonging the inevitable.
Wednesday (2 days after my + preg test) we went in again for more blood work. We totally expected my numbers to have plateaued or gone down. But much to our surprise, it didn’t. The clinic called, it doubled!
A 66! We were shocked. I then started to freak out a little bit. I missed a shot. What have I done. I didn’t want to tell them, but it’s for our baby. So I did. I told them and they said it’s OK, just to increase my dosage that night and do an extra emdometrin vaginal suppository. But it wasn’t all fun and excitement. Instead of jumping up and down for joy, we were cautiously hopeful. Even though our numbers doubled, they were still very low. We still had a high chance of having another miscarriage. They also assured me that if I did have a miscarriage, missing one shot would not be the cause of it.
For the next two days till our blood test, we tried to keep our minds busy with all the new house repairs. Trailer came along. Blood was drawn. Later that he evening my phone rang, with my doctor’s name on the screen. I knew only too well what that meant.
My HCG plateaued. It was a 69. I balled my eyes out. Even though I knew it was coming, the realization was and still is extremely difficult. No matter how much you think you have prepared for it, it’s still challenging. My dr then told me to stop my meds. About the only positive thing was that I most likely wasn’t going to need to have another surgery, a dilation and curettage.
I made it to 5 weeks 1 day. Then I miscarried. On the first day of a week of teacher training.
Now that I’ve had multiple miscarriages in a row, my ins. was going to cover RPL (recurring pregnancy loss) testing. We had to go in for a consultation with my doctor before we could do the test. Thankfully, we were able to see him that Friday. Good thing too, since he was going on vacation for the following week or so. We discussed any possibilities of what could be causing it. He was, and still is surprised of the RPL since my husband and I are both young and healthy. He ordered a string of blood tests, and for me to have a hysterosalpingogram. My husband was able to do his blood work that same day, however I needed to go in the following day because mine had to be fasting. They took 12 vials of blood, including the one “throwaway one”. (Not shown below)
2-3 vials were to be used for chromosome testing. Without insurance, this test would’ve cost my husband and I $3,000… EACH. I mean with IVF nothing’s cheap, but it’s a blood test. Well, They (our ins.) doesn’t cover a lick of IVF, but I’m sure glad they covered this! Part of the reasoning for this test is to see if any of our genes happened to be translocated on the same, or another chromosome.
After I finally got ahold of radiology (on Monday!), my procedure was scheduled for that tues, the 4th of Aug.
Oh man did it hurt! I even took a lot of pain meds, but nope they didn’t do a dang thing blocking pain during the procedure. I’m sure they help afterwards though. Let me tell you, there’s nothing like a catheter making its way up your whoo-ha, ballooning out once inside the uterus, your uterus filling up with some type of radioactive dye, and then more push through so it’s squirting out your Fallopian tubes. That’s pretty much the procedure in a nutshell. Oh yeah, and they’re taking x-rays the entire time.
They weren’t only checking for blockage, but also to see if one of my Fallopian tubes were dilated. If it was, that could mean that… Ovary juice/liquids?… Was leaking into my uterus, Which lo and behold, is deadly to an embryo. If that were the case, then I would have to have surgery to remove the fallopian tube. Scary. Thought.
My test results rolled in throughout the next three weeks. And everything came back…NORMAL. What in the world?!!? Although we don’t have any answers as to why I keep having miscarriages, at least everything else seems to be doing A-OK.
So now the 28th, and i still haven’t gotten my period again. (IF I didn’t have PCOS, and IF my cycle was “normal “I would have gotten it last Sunday. Today is Friday. Four nights ago I started Provera to help induce another period. I take that for 10 days, and my period should come within 7-10 days after that.
But we get to start our third round as soon as I get my period!!! I’m excited for that at least. My RE dr is going to do things a tad different.
1. Heparin shots it’s about $18/ day but I’d have to do 2 shots per day or $45/day with one shot. When I was hospitalized back in Nov, they gave me heparin shots since I was bedridden, and they were subcutaneous. So I’m pretty sure these would be as well.
2. I’m pretty sure he’s going to have me on metformin. I’ve heard about it before, but have never been on it. I know it’s a diabetic drug, but what does it do? Lower glucose for…the food for follicles??? Anyone know???
I’m struggling right now. Everyone seems to be having babies. You’d figure I’d get at least a little used to it after almost 5 years of trying. Not really, I mean ya maybe a tad, but it’s still rough. I found out my cousin is pregnant, due in 2 months. Last night I cried for like 10 min in my car after I got home after hearing her good news. Then I cried again after I tried to be brave by wiping my tears and held it in when going inside. I feel as though I’m better when I’m NOT thinking about it, or just super busy. What am I supposed to learn from this? What do I need to do to bring our babies into this world?
How do YOU handle/cope while going down this road?
PCOS To Mommy 