The 2WW was FINALLY over! We went into our RE clinic thinking it was going to be our last time there for a couple years. This was it, I was pregnant, again, but this time we were SURE it was going to stick. I mean 3rd time’s supposed to be the charm, right?! It felt different, we felt peace, it was finally our time. My HCG continued to double, we did 4 things different this round than the previous two rounds. FOUR! We were hoping my progesterone levels would be high enough I could stop the awful IM progesterone injections and just stick to the suppositories. Our Dr. came right in and we immediately got started.
Unfortunately we could tell the second our Dr. got our baby in focus that something was wrong. She was silent, her eyes widened, mouth opened a little bit. For starters, we had lost one of the twins. And the other one looked small, I mean I know he/she is small but…too small. Sure enough, our little baby was measuring 3 days behind, 5 weeks 6 days- I was 6 weeks 2 days…. But the worst part was she couldn’t find a heartbeat. And just like that…our hopes and dreams went out the window. She looked for a LONG LONG time, in every angle and position possible. It definitely wasn’t comfortable with that wand up my who-ha but I didn’t care…I desperately wanted to see that heartbeat.
It looks like the 3rd time won’t be the charm…
My pulse was there loud and clear. You could actually see my artery pulsating, pulsating my uterus, the baby, everything. She said she is very concerned, but there’s a small chance we just can’t see the heartbeat since the baby is measuring early. She’d talk to our regular RE and they might want to see us earlier than our next apt (1 week). I asked if this one didn’t work, what was our next step. She and our other RE would both sit down and review ALL of my medical history to see what’s next.
She said we could take as long as we wanted in the room before we left. We balled like babies. Babies…and we cried some more. A lady who works in the office knocked and came in to console us (we have a pretty good relationship with her) and told us how shocked everyone was and that she was so sorry. She offered us if we wanted we could walk out the back door. Since our tear-filled eyes were still puffy, I ashamedly took that option and we went out the back. I didn’t want to see anyone.
We went home, crawled in bed and cried ourselves to sleep (it was 10 am). We woke up a good 1-2 hours later to find I missed a call from my regular RE. He left a message and said he’d be busy for the next couple hours but I called his cell back in hopes I could catch him. No such luck. But he called me shortly thereafter. He said although it still doesn’t look good, he’s not giving up hope and was wondering if I would be able to hold on for another week for my apt at Kaiser. (They like to have the ultrasounds 1 week apart). I said ya, and he told me to continue everything as normal (11 pills, 3 shots, 3 suppositories each day). So I am. We go in tomorrow, Wednesday (11/18), to find out for sure. If I’m being honest, I don’t have much hope. I so want this little one to hang on and this to be our miracle baby. This is our third FET cycle, and I’m so sad it’s looking like it’s going to end up like our first two. We are doing everything we possibly can, but it’s still not working. Hope… How to hold onto hope?!
I mean I have some..I’m keeping to my regular routine…(I have like a-million alarms on my phone otherwise I’d be hosed)
(6am alarm-wake up, wash face, put on mascara)
alarm 6:30 am Endometrin Suppository #1 (lay back in bed for 10 min –alarm set of course)
(6:50 alarm-get ready for the shot!)
Eat a couple bites of breakfast, take:
Estradiol #1 (estrogen)
Folic acid
Low dose aspirin
Finish breakfast, take metformin #1
alarm 7:00am 25 units of Heparin shot #1 (subcutaneous injection in the abdomen)
Lunch: anywhere between 11-1 – depending on when I’m hungry, take metformin #2
Alarm 2:30 Endometrin Suppository #2
Alarm 6:30 – eat some dinner if I haven’t already…metformin #3
Alarm 6:50-get ready for shot
alarm 7pm Heparin shot #2 and take Estradiol #2
Take Vitamin D, Pre-natal, & Calcium Citrate x2
Alarm 8:47 get ready for Progesterone shot
alarm 9pm Intramuscular Progesterone shot, 1 mL or 1cc
alarm 10:30pm Endometrin Suppository #3
Repeat.
So ya, that’s been my schedule 11 pills, 3 suppositories, 3 shots. (except when I had a couple more pills to also take- the Zpac just after the transfer & prednisone x2) Once my beta came back awesome I was allowed to stop the prednisone.
How to hold onto the hope? Anyone else with PCOS and Recurring Pregnancy Loss? Or just RPL? How do you cope?
PCOS To Mommy 